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“That’s not how it goes,” Andrew stated flatly, after I’d shared with him a life lesson I learned years ago that relates to saying “no” to every 3rd request by someone to do something, even if it is something that you know in your heart you might enjoy doing.
We were discussing commitment and the risks of simply being “busy,” in becoming overcommitted. A fear that often drives the tendency to say “yes” when it’s time to say “no” is that, in saying “no,” people will stop asking. It’s a fear of loneliness, of not being needed.
That’s when Andrew offered the first of his several sage remarks during our early July morning conversation at Pilgrim Coffee Company in south Overland Park: “When one is committed, people generally don’t stop asking.”
I explained the context of our meeting: as VP of Communications for the Serra Club of Johnson County, I have taken on the challenge (perhaps better said, I’ve been blessed with the joy, in reality!) of meeting seminarians one-on-one to learn about them and record their vocational story. (And I get a good cup of coffee, to boot!) I shared that the Serrans thoroughly enjoy learning about the seminarians, as many do not have the means or the opportunity of connecting individually.
“You guys do so much for us,” Andrew observed, “it makes sense that the Serrans should get the opportunity to learn the stories about where all their efforts are going.”
Andrew is the son of Steve and Lisa Cunningham, who live in Olathe. He has one brother, Sam, who is six years older. Sam is married and, the day prior to our conversation, Sam and his wife had their third child, Leo Michael.
“Yesterday, I officially saw the youngest human being I have ever seen,” he acknowledged with a joyful smile.
The Cunninghams belong to Prince of Peace Parish, where Andrew attended elementary school. Andrew affectionately described his dad as a model of virtue and his mom as a model of faith. “I owe all my experience of life to them,” he reflected, deep gratitude evident in his observation. I offered that parents in those model roles mark the quintessential Christian family.
“I’m so grateful to them,” he confessed.
What was the moment when God planted the first seed (of a priestly vocation) for you?
“When I was like 7, Mom started a children’s adoration group at Prince of Peace,” he began. “She started inviting families with kids, made little pamphlets, and started to teach the kids how to pray,” he said. He noted the times before the Blessed Sacrament were, “like ten minutes, where she’d teach us how to be reverent and how to pray.”
“She taught kids what the Eucharist really is,” he continued, “and I think the experience really did something (for me). Getting in front of Jesus that young resulted in Jesus planting a little seed of attraction that, I think, was able to grow over time.”
“Mom was incredibly faithful,” he continued. “She loved to pray the Rosary, especially during the month of October,” adding that, “she always tried to get the family to do that kind of stuff.”
“Dad was always right there, next to Mom at these times,” he added, changing the focus. “And, man, my dad, maybe to a fault, is always doing things for other people,” said as he smiled again. “I think I get my problems saying no from him,” he laughed. He described how, as a kid, he’d see his dad shovel snow out of the driveway and then shovel the neighbor’s driveway, this being one of many examples of his dad’s charitable nature that made a big impression on Andrew.
“You never once heard him complain,” Cunningham added as his thoughts carried him to somewhere other than Pilgrim Coffee Company.
“That’s so cool,” I commented, interjecting, “Well, that’s the interview. That’s a wrap,” as I attempted to bring him back from wherever his thoughts had taken him. We both laughed.
“I went to St. Thomas Aquinas High School,” he continued. We spoke about the good things happening there, including the ten Aquinas students who joined the church at Easter earlier in the spring. (Archbishop welcomes new young Catholics - The Leaven Catholic Newspaper.)
“I had an amazing four years at Aquinas,” he observed, “including the experience of some great teachers, mentors and coaches.”
I asked him to describe a few highlights of seminary life after first two years.
“I NEVER (his emphasis) would have expected seminary to be as exciting and adventurous as it has been,” he said without missing a beat. “I was planning on going to seminary and never touching my golf clubs again. I was planning on going and just being focused all the time. I think I was way too serious,” he remarked.
A definite highlight, he said, was the Poverty Immersion that took place during his Spirituality Year, the first year experience at SJV. The Poverty Immersion is a 30-day experience in which, not unlike Jesus’ apostles, seminarians at SJV are asked to go away, two by two, taking with them only the bare essentials, and live the time in service of others. Parents and families are not informed of the seminarian’s whereabouts. Cunningham completed his Poverty Immersion with the Missionaries of Charity in Pacifica, California. The sisters run a Hospice home there, called Gift of Love.
“I had never seen the Pacific Ocean,” he said, “and there, I was five minutes away from the shoreline.”
“I’ve done a lot of youth ministry in my days,” he reflected. “After college I went to a place called Camp Gray in Wisconsin. I loved it. It was there he deepened his understanding of the meaning of living a life for others. “If I seek to control my own life less and give myself more, I actually find myself,” another example of Cunningham’s accumulated wisdom at his young age.
“I’d never worked with those who are dying,” he said of the time in California. “(It was) one of the most beautiful times in my life, but also one of the hardest.” He described God’s gift to him during the Poverty Immersion experience: “That month of my life might have been the most pure that I ever have loved, because I didn’t want to do it. It wasn’t for me. Just the chance to try to understand the situation of another…” he said as his voice trailed off, clearly in thought about the experience of nearly eighteen months prior.
He described the circumstances of a young man in the Hospice house, age 34, who was dying of multiple organ failure due to substance abuse disorder. He had been addicted to drugs since age twelve.
“You just sit with that, and you get to know the guy,” he contemplated out loud, “and you think, ‘age of twelve. Wow. Someone should be there to help you out at that age.’”
Going deeper into his thoughts, he followed with, “A first judgment surfaces, ‘you did this to yourself.’” He acknowledged that several times he was shocked at his internal disposition towards other people, even the suffering.
“I was, like, ‘Why do I think that way about that guy? I don’t even know him.’”
Andrew observed the Lord’s challenge during the immersion experience: “(I needed to address) my inclination to judge others and to hold myself on a pedestal. I think just getting to work with those men in a manner where, for example, we did night shifts. Every other night we’d be up at regular intervals, checking on the men, making sure they received their medicines, meeting their needs to the best of our abilities.”
“I was stripped of all the things that I had confidence in my ability to do. I was clearly out of my element. I wanted to just fix it, take it all away, but I just couldn’t do that,” he said continuing his thought process.
“It put me in a position of real poverty. It’s not about how much I can do anymore. It’s not about fixing problems. It really just became, ‘Can I just be there for these guys?’”
Cunningham describe much power in the experience of that month.
“I learned a real devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus,” he related, continuing, “Divine Mercy was fostered in me.”
“Those sisters,” he observed, “they just constantly were imploring the mercy of God over those guys,” whom he described as hardened, bitter, and angry. “There is a lot of unforgiveness,” he said.
Andrew noted his privilege in that, for a month, “I got to follow these women who are so in love with Jesus and so willing to serve other people and I just got to watch them and follow them.”
“That month was massively formative,” he said, gratitude once again pervading his tone.
He noted another seminary highlight to this point being the opportunity to take a pilgrimage to Ireland with some other guys. It was his first international travel experience.
“We saw several shrines, including the shrine of Sister Clare Crockett. Many of the guys have a devotion to her,” he stated.
A final highlight of his seminary experience to date, he observed, “would be the amount of spiritual guidance I’ve received in seminary. We’re learning from some really wise and holy people. It’s changed my prayer. It’s made me love a life of prayer more,” he said, concluding, “I’m really grateful for everything I’ve experienced there.”
Prior to seminary, Cunningham completed a degree in secondary education with emphasis in math at K-State. The St. Isidore Center, the Catholic student center at K-State, he admitted, was a big part of his spiritual process there. Describing it as an “awesome place,” he noted the great examples of priesthood he encountered there in Fr. Gale Hammerschmidt and Fr. Drew Hoffman.
“The single most important decision in my life to this point happened in college, when I decided to start putting a holy hour in my schedule,” he admitted. “This is where I’m going to pray,” he indicated his plan, and concluded with, “That’s when my life started to change more.” This was early his sophomore year of college.
He solidified a seminary application after college, having completed his collegiate studies in 3 ½ years. He finished student teaching at Olathe Northwest. Even then, he revealed that what transpired in the eventual transition to seminary life was still quite a process.
“I accepted a job at Camp Gray,” he said. “I was going to teach at Holy Spirit – 7th and 8th grade math and I was excited about that prospect. But I was staying in touch with the camp and they unexpectedly reached out and offered an assistant camp director position,” he related. Though he admitted that, if Camp Gray offered him a position he knew he’d take it, he promptly found himself caught between job offers.
He had worked at Camp Gray for three summers in total when they asked him to step into the Missionary Director position. “It was kind of a wild year,” he smiled. “That camp was special.”
Cunningham related that it was during his time at Camp Gray when the desire for seminary returned. He attributed this, in part, to the rhythm of spending time in silence.
Andrew heard the Lord say, “I want you to consider that maybe your heart was made for this.”
“Maybe He actually made me to receive and give love in the manner that a priest does and that’s actually what would make me happiest in my life,” Andrew confessed, adding his realization that, “He made me and He knows me.”
“When the Holy Spirit let that in, I was like, I don’t have any hesitations anymore.”
Cunningham complimented the vocations team, especially Fr. Dan Morris. He also spoke fondly about his interview with Archbishop Naumann, who helped him understand that entering seminary isn’t as much about becoming a priest as it is about knowing God’s will for your life. Andrew spoke about having found much freedom and joy in the experience, indicating that this is one way he knows God is present.
Andrew did Quo Vadis two or three years, though he could not recall exactly. The year he was in Wisconsin, Fr. Dan sent recordings of the Quo Vadis talks to him so he could listen to them.
“A lot of the story is that God slowly but surely gave me the space to enjoy the process. He knew that I would love Camp Gray. I was happy to have that experience out of college,” he reminisced.
What words of wisdom might he have for young people?
“I love to speak into peace,” he began. He recommended “Searching for and Maintaining Peace,” a small book by Fr. Jacques Philippe.
“I was just having a conversation with a young man yesterday,” he related. “There frequently seems to be such a sense of urgency about these decisions,” he said. “I find that young people put so much pressure on themselves thinking that a decision needs to be made ‘right now.’”
“And I’m thinking to myself, ‘Man, you’re only a sophomore in high school!’”
“Have peace in the fact you’re where Jesus wants you to be in the moment. Living in the present that He’s given you is great discernment. If you feel a strong pull or desire, ask yourself if you’re in a position to make that decision. Give it some time.” More sage counsel from a young man who clearly seem to be right where God wants him.
“And maybe add a holy hour to your week.”
Cunningham continued, now in a strong current of thought, “Don’t get too ‘big picture’ in telling yourself you need to make this decision right now. God wants what God wants. If you also want what He wants, it will happen. Maintain an openness to what God wants.”
He reflected on his own tendencies, “I can put so much pressure on myself that it’s on me. God loves us so stinkin’ much – He’s going to keep reaching out. He’s going to keep putting it on the heart. Be in conversation with Him.”
And what do you do in your spare time?
“I love playing golf, though I grew up playing the sport of the season. I really enjoy sports in general,” he began.
Golf became the sport that stood out in his life. In middle school he started playing tournaments. I suggested that he must be pretty good, with an inquiring tone.
“Yea,” he said sheepishly. “My parents also were very interested and supportive. We didn’t take many family vacations in my formative years. My brother and I were always playing summer golf.”
It happened that we met the morning after the Master’s Cup event, which was rained out by an unusual mid-summer monsoon. He didn’t seem phased about not having been able to play.
“I also enjoy music,” he continued. “I play guitar. Whether picking around by myself or playing with others, I enjoy making music. I’ve gotten lots of opportunities to lead P&W.”
Of his current summer assignment, Cunningham indicated that he did Prayer in Action this year at Blessed Sacrament Parish, with Fr. Nick Blaha. He described the experience as “awesome!” He spoke about cleaning up the garden at the parish, and doing work at homes of parishioners, indicating that much of the work was done for folks who were unable to manage it. He described the work sites “kind of like Jumanji,” and said the experience involved “a lot of avoiding poison ivy, clearing brush and overgrowth in the neighborhood.” He especially appreciated being able to do work for “widowed women who could not do the work themselves.” That desire of living in service of others came one again to the fore.
Cunningham is heading into his third year of seminary life at St. John Vianney Theological Seminary (SJV) in Denver. This is the equivalent of his second year of philosophy studies, the Discipleship Stage of formation.
“I’m looking forward to returning, having a year of philosophy under my belt,” he said adding, “it looks like English now.” He spoke of his excitement at having his feet on a bit more solid ground.
“What we are learning is really awesome. I am really excited to go back with a better grasp (of the subject matter).”
He also noted his excitement for the fraternity of seminary life. “I am excited to have more space in my heart and in my schedule for the guys around me. I feel like I have more capacity to reach out to others, to be present to others, instead of burning energy just keeping the ship afloat.”
“Thanks to the Serrans for all the prayers and support,” he said. “It makes all the difference in the world to all of us seminarians.”
The hour we shared utterly zipped by and I found myself desirous of spending more time with Andrew. We both, however, had places to go and people to see, and so we said goodbye.
Let us continue to pray for Andrew and his seminary brothers, that God will give them wisdom, knowledge, and understanding; the He will grant them counsel and fortitude; and that He might fill them with piety and a healthy fear of the Lord.
Lord, make them holy priests!
