Member Log InThis is for anyone who has ever attempted to discern God’s will in life, let alone try to live it out. For one thing, it is imperative to understand that God never stops calling us, no matter how much we may have convinced ourselves that “this is finally it! I’ve finally figured this out!” Nor does it matter how old we may be. God never stops calling.
At the age of 22, when my wife, Ginny, and I were married, had someone told me that I would someday parent seven children, and eventually have 17 grandchildren (and counting!) I would have laughed at them.
Fast forward eight years, arriving at the age of 30, medical school and residency are completed and we have two children, Lauren and Ben, and are expecting our third child, a son, JohnMarc. I had wrestled to death the demon of contraception (and the prescription of contraceptives), knowing that to plunge into the unknown of a primary care medical practice that included obstetrics while not prescribing contraceptives was what God wanted of me, I confess my doubt at the time that I would professionally survive the feat. It was 1988.
At about the same time, when asked by his godfather how life was, Ben, at the ripe old age of four responded, “Well, life is life!” Profound. Simple. Ben has always demonstrated this simple approach, and I’m among the beneficiaries of it. “Let the children come unto me!” Jesus said. Early on, I was gifted by God with the grace to allow myself to be taught by my children.
After twenty years of pro-life, NFP-only medicine, I again found myself facing the potential of a life-changing professional decision. Non-contraceptive medical practice was not the issue; like having seven children, it became so much a part of my life, that I could not imagine life without children or NFP-only medicine! Ben and I were a bit older (by this time, I had come to enjoy in particular the ability to relate to my children on an adult level) and I spoke with him about my considerations. Again, as it had so many times in the past, it happened that our conversation boiled down to that basic tenet of living a life of faith: knowing what it is that God wants. I’ve always tried to teach my kids the importance of listening to God. Life is so much easier doing so! Still, I struggle. I told him I was reminded of Dorothy Day’s story (if you haven’t read about her, put her story on your bucket list!) and the moment when she was in church talking with God, trying desperately to understand His will for her, yet again! Throwing her hands up in the air exasperated, she cried out, “What do you want of me now?” I can relate.
In spite of ourselves, and because He not only shows us the path but gives us the grace to follow it, if we but pay attention and take the time to listen, we will know what He wants. We can and will know the joy that comes in spite of the struggle; we can and will know the peace that happens because we say ‘yes;’ we can be confident in the decisions we make, even if the decision results in an action contrary to what the world would have us do. The process of deciding is the process of overcoming our own humanity, accepting God’s gifts to us, and opening those gifts for use in our lives, for sharing those gifts with others.
The choice was to leave my relatively comfortable medical practice of ten years and figure out another practice option that would allow God's grace (and His incredible generosity!) to shine more clearly, where I could more freely promote His will and the Church's teaching about contraception. If you haven't read St. Paul VI's encyclical, Humane Vitae, do it now!
As I declared to Ben my ambivalence at this juncture about the decision I faced, (sometimes I have to work really hard at the overcoming/acceptance process!) wondering what God wanted of me now, Ben said in rather matter of fact manner, “Sort of like a low curve ball in the seventh inning, huh Dad?” So characteristic of this son of mine!
The question for me was do I take the pitch hoping it crosses the plate outside the zone, or do I swing for the fences?
After prayer and conversation with my wife and our older children, I decided ultimately to swing for the fences. And thus was born a primary care medical practice that fully integrated physical, emotional/psychological, and spiritual wellness in a care approach that addressed the whole person. This process, too, was not without its challenges, some of the very significant. But it was good and, once again, God was abundant in His generosity. (There are several chapters here, for another time!)
Now, after another thirty years, I am again at a crossroads. I have reached the age of retirement, yet I am aware that God calls. While faith (and, by now, accumulated experience) tells me even now He will not abandon me, I pray for the alertness to hear his voice and for the courage to respond to His call. There are moments, I confess, where I falter like a child, wondering if He hears me.
"God? God? Do you hear me? Hello?" I ask in my moment of doubt, anticipating that slow, curve ball, this time in the 9th inning.
His voice comes in the silence as I read His word, and with soothing reassurance I hear Him say: "Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid." (John 14:20) "And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)
With His help, I won't whiff.
